attachment Focused EMDR
Because healing deeply rooted trauma requires tools that take you deeper.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR therapy has been proven highly effective in treating trauma. However, for repeatedly traumatized people with unmet attachment needs from childhood, this technique can sometimes feel rigid or misattuned, often placing more emphasis on the protocol than the person. If you’ve tried EMDR before and it left you feeling unseen, annoyed, or just worse in general, I promise there is another way.
Let’s talk a bit about EMDR and how Attachment Focused EMDR is different.
During trauma our brain processes and stores memories incorrectly—they get stuck. Big emotions tied to past events then start seeping into the present, sometimes without you even knowing you’ve been triggered. When this happens, you might feel like your emotional reactions are bigger than the moment—because you’re actually responding more to stuck trauma than you are to the current moment—even if the current situation is legitimately upsetting. This might make you feel like the world is an exceptionally dangerous place, or like you can’t trust your own emotions or instincts.
To help “unstick” (or reprocess) your trauma, EMDR uses somatic techniques called bilateral simulation (left-right eye movements, sounds, or taps) to metabolize these stuck trauma memories, so they live in a more functional part of the brain. This won’t erase your memories; it’s more like they become softer, more distant, and less powerful. This unstuckness frees you to exist in your empowered adult body without constantly being yanked back in time by trauma triggers.
How is attachment-focused EMDR different?
Whereas traditional EMDR might feel inflexible for some, or even harmful for highly sensitive people or those with complex trauma, AF-EMDR is a compassionate, patient, and deeply attuned approach, highly adaptable to individual needs and attachment styles. AF-EMDR incorporates a nuanced understanding of developmental trauma, and a deep respect for the ways in which traumatized children have had to adapt in order to survive their circumstances, then bringing these adaptations into their adult lives. This sensitive and respectful approach to trauma healing will support you in discovering your own innate resources, melting away shame, and building in the resources you need to move through your trauma without coming undone.
A misattuned treatment approach is very likely to leave you hurting and scared of trying again.
For any type of EMDR to be successful in healing early attachment trauma, it is essential that: 1) you have a trusting relationship with your therapist—you feel prioritized and like your uniqueness is being honored, 2) you have the internal and external resources to cope with what comes up—or your therapist is helping you to build these resources, 3) that before you begin, your therapist develops a good understanding of your trauma history, triggers, strengths, and deepest desires for healing, and uses this awareness to shape their approach during EMDR, and 4) that you and your therapist both feel good about the treatment plan. All of these elements require flexibility and attunement, which are foundational to attachment repair work of any kind.
As an AF-EMDR trained psychologist, my goal is for no client of mine to ever feel like their needs are being ignored, or like they have to adapt to ill-fitting or confusing treatment approaches in order to heal. Even well-intentioned therapists who allow this dynamic to play out may inadvertently cause more harm to those who have already survived misattuned childhoods where their unique needs weren’t noticed or responded to.
If having your needs go unmet has been normalized by your experiences, you are not alone. Therapy does not need to be a place where this soul-wounding pattern continues.
I invite you to reach out if my approach resonates with you.